FF8 Commercial Style...Number Two?! (The Horror!)
by Elizabeth Parkside
Summary: You got it, you get to see your favorite FFVIII characters starring in commercials. Read the first one first. Rated PG-13 for about one naughty word. O.o Just to be safe.


~*~ Author's Note: Well, welcome back to FFVIII commercial mania! This one's the product of two sick days in a row with nothing to watch on television but talk shows. I'll have to thank my brother, Caleb, for his input, and my friend, Jessica, for her support. Thanks, you two! And thanks for the great reviews on my last one. I never thought it would be such a hit! Enjoy! Review! Be nice! ~*~

~*~ Disclaimer: I don't own FFVIII or any of its characters, but I do own AD Sarah…Great accomplishment. I didn't create any of these commercials, but just…Changed them a bit. ~*~

****

Final Fantasy VIII Commercial Style…Number Two?!

Director Jess: Okay! Are we all set?

Assistant Director Sarah: ::running around, madly powder-puffing anything that moves::

Squall: Yeah. Let's get this thing over with. ::coughs after getting nailed with the powder puff::

Irvine: C'mon! I wanna have my extra fifteen minutes of fame! ::grins winningly::

AD Sarah: ::scoots over and adjusts Irvine's hat, little bubble hearts floating around her silly blonde head::

Dir. Jess: Uhh…Right. Okay, lights, camera, bottle of emergency asprin, action!!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ ****

Dir. Jess: Okay, Roll-Up-The-Rim commercial! Action!

Squall and Rinoa are sitting on a couch, Squall holding a disposable coffee cup in his hands.

Squall: RRrrrrrr… ::rolls his R's to make a purring noise::

Rinoa: Oh, Squally, I _love _it when you purr like a kitten. ::gushes, cuddling up to him::

Squall: ::barely spares her a glance:: Not now, honey…I'm a little…Distracted…RRrrrrrrrrrrrrr… ::starts rolling his R's again::

Rinoa: ::harrumphs and huffily looks away::

Squall: Hey! ::peering at the now rolled-up rim of his coffee cup::

Rinoa: What'd we win?

Squall: ..I thought you weren't interested…

Rinoa: ::tackles him off the couch:: Gimme!!

Squall: Oww! My spleen!

Dir. Jess: ::just strokes her container of asprin::

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dir. Jess: Fitness Commercial! Action!

Irvine is running along the sidewalk, his coat tails flying, ponytail streaming out behind him, and one hand on his hat.

Corny music plays, and Rinoa, Selphie, and Quistis come into view, chasing him and making kissy noises.

Irvine: ::pants, looking back in a disturbed way over his shoulder::

Selphie: Irrrrvyyyy! Come BACK!

Rinoa: Irvy-Baby! We could make beautiful music, you and I!

Quistis: Sweetie! Come to mama!

Irvine: ::trips over a crack in the sidewalk and takes a nose dive::

The girls crowd around him, starting to plant loud kisses on his cheeks.

Words scroll across the screen: "Stay fit…'Cause you never know…"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dir. Jess: Pledge wipes commercial! Action!

AD Sarah: ACTION! ::echoes::

Quistis: ::walks on-set with a small yellow package:: Pledge Wipes…The fastest way to clean.

Zell: ::wanders on-set, following a trail of jelly beans::

Quistis: ::grabs Zell in a headlock and starts wiping down his face::

Zell: Ahh! AGHHH!! IT BURNS! MY EYES!! ::snatches the packet from her, and reads with watering eyes:: It says for wood surfaces ONLY! Do I look like a coffee table to you?!

Quistis: Well…Uhh…Look, Selphie's coming!

Zell: What?! Where?! ::turns to look frantically around through red eyes:: Hey, there's no one…Quistis? ::turns back to see Quistis running in the other direction as fast as her little battery-powered legs can carry her::

Ad Sarah: ::sitting in the director's chair, Jess has mysteriously vanished:: First aid to the main set, first aid… ::talks into her clipboard like it's a microphone::

Cameraman: ::sweatdrops, nudging Rinoa, who brings eye drops to Zell::

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

AD Sarah: I love you, a bushel and a peck, a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck… ::sings to herself::

Cameraman: ::nudges her:: Uhh…Miss? Shouldn't we start the shoot?

AD Sarah: Oh…Right…Uhh…Tylenol, Action!

Zell is sitting on a bed with a fuzzy pink blanket over his head.

Quistis: ::walks into the room, carrying a tray with water and two pretty purple pills::

Zell: ::peeps out from under the blanket::

Quistis: Feel better?

Zell: ::sticks out his lower lip:: Nuh uh.

Quistis: That's 'cause you didn't take your medicine.

Zell: No! You can't make me!!

Quistis: ::tries to hold him down and force the pills into him:: But they taste good!

Zell: NOOOOO! YOU'RE LYING!! KIDS! IT'S A PARENTAL CONSPIRACY!!! IT'S A CRUEL JOKE!!!! AIEEEEEEEE!!!

The ceiling lamp suddenly comes loose and crashes down on Zell's head.

Zell: Oww…Bastard…

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

AD Sarah: Rubber ducky, you're the one…Who makes my bathtime so much fun. Rubber ducky, I'm especially fond of you…Doo…Boop boop bee doo. 

Cameraman: Uhh…Action! Oreos!

Seifer and Zell are sitting at a table with a package of Oreos and for some reason, Zell has a "sippy" cup. 

Seifer: ::smugly dips his cookie and takes a bite::

Zell: ::bangs his cookie on the lid of his cup::

Seifer: ::smirks and dips his cookie again::

Zell: ::tries to pry the lid off:: Damn childproof tops…

Seifer: ::snags Zell's cookie::

Zell: NO! GIMME! ::yanks off the lid and dumps the milk over Seifer's head::

Seifer: ::splutters::

Zell: …Ha ha… ::runs like hell::

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Rinoa and Squall are making out on her bed, when the sound of a car pulling up reaches their ears. 

Rinoa: ::runs to the window and sees that Fujin and Raijin are getting out of the car, dressed as mummy and daddy::

When Fujin and Raijin come to her bedroom door, they see both Rinoa and Squall wearing beauty masks, matching pink bathrobes, and towels on their heads, sitting on the window seat.

Raijin: What a good girl, ya know? ::saunters off to watch the game::

Fujin: ::spots the heavy black boots on Squall's feet, walks over and clouts him in the head:: BAD! 

Squall: ::loses his balance and topples out the window::

Fujin: WHORE, YOU! ::shakes a fist at Rinoa, sending her screaming from the room::

Squall: ::seen a moment later, running down the street in his borrowed bathrobe::

Fujin: ::holds up a roll of Mentos:: MENTOS, FRESHMAKER!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

AD Sarah: If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands… ::claps:: ACTION!

Squall and Seifer are sitting in a police car, watching the main street.

Selphie, Quistis, and Rinoa drive by in a convertible.

Rinoa: Officers, I drove away without paying! ::flashes them::

Seifer: ::yelps:: AIIEE! MY VIRGIN EYES!

Squall: That's nice…

The girls drive away, laughing.

Irvine drives by on a motor bike.

Irvine: OFFICER! I DROVE AWAY WITHOUT PAYING! YEEHAW! ::hollers over his motor::

Squall: Great…

Zell: ::pedals up in a little tricycle:: Officer, I- ::Raijin suddenly runs up and topples the trike over on its side, Zell sprawling over the pavement::

A random marching band comes by, parading right over Zell and his precious trike.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

AD Sarah is sitting backstage with the FFVIII characters. Zell has his arm in a sling and is using a crutch, Seifer is still trying to de-milk his precious hair, Rinoa is randomly flashing people (it seemed she had enjoyed the effects of it), Quistis is polishing various pieces of furniture with the pledge wipes, Selphie is high on coffee and her eye is twitching, Squall is polishing his police badge, Raijin and Fujin are munching Mentos, and Irvine is brushing road dust off his hat from his bike ride. 

AD Sarah: How'd you like it this time?

Zell: Painful… ::glowers at Raijin::

Seifer: Wet… ::glares at Zell::

Rinoa: Educational! ::flashes Seifer, causing him to topple off his chair::

Quistis: Squeaky clean! ::polishes the cameraman's face, causing him to scream::

Selphie: Monkeys! Monkeys everywhere! Monkeys all around me! ::runs around Squall in circles::

Squall: Boring. ::ignores Selphie::

Raijin: Minty!

Fujin: FRESH.

Irvine: My poor hat… ::strikes a dramatic pose:: Alas, poor hat, I knew you well…

Suddenly, the doors burst open, and Director Jess saunters in, wearing a Hawaiian shirt and sandals, big round sunglasses perched upon her nose. Doffs her sun hat to them.

Dir. Jess: So, how'd you do?

There is silence, before Jess is pelted with Mentos, empty coffee cups, a police badge, a milk-covered cloth, Rinoa's shirt, a crutch, an empty Pledge packet, and a brown cowboy hat. The gang leaves Jess standing alone.

Dir. Jess: Great…They got temperamental. ::looks at Sarah, who is sitting cross-legged on the floor::

AD Sarah: Little bunny Foo Foo, hopping through the forest, scoopin' up the field mice and boppin' them on the head. DOWN came the Good Fairy, and SHE said, Little Bunny Foo Foo…

Dir. Jess: Good Lord…I DIDN'T leave them with YOU, did I? ::stares:: ASPRIN!! ASPRIN! ::dashes off::

AD Sarah: ::looks at the camera:: That's all, folks! ::shuts it off::

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

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Alrighty, hope you enjoyed!! Please review…try to be gentle!

Merci beaucoup!

~*~Elizabeth Parkside~*~


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